What Makes Sex Great?

The answer to that, strangely enough, is love. Because sex without love can be very satisfying, but it doesn’t have the personal involvement and intimacy of connection that sex in a loving relationship offers.

Now I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m recommending sex within a loving relationship purely because I have some religious or philosophical principle to proselytise.

Far from it: I’m promoting sex within the benefits of a loving relationship because I believe that’s the best way for both men and women to enjoy a fulfilling sex life – not to mention a fulfilling intimate emotional relationship.

You see, for women, the act of sex is an intimate and emotional event that goes far beyond the physicality of the body.

For a woman to truly open her soul to her partner, she needs to feel that she is not only loved but also appreciated and respected.

In any casual sexual relationship these are things which are impossible to establish, so there’s no real reason for a woman to assume that she is indeed loved and respected, and she’s very unlikely to trust her partner fully enough to open both her mind and body (as being penetrated by the man requires).

The consequence of this, unless she’s just feeling extremely “horny”, is that she will most likely have sex without orgasm. Now, many women find this in itself can be a rewarding experience, but the fact is that the majority – indeed, the overwhelming majority – of women want to have sex with the context of a relationship where she feels loved and appreciated by the man.

But when a man is taking the time to give a woman great orgasms, then the relationship’s much more likely to be rewarding. (Of course, having said that, there’s an argument which suggests a man never “gives a woman an orgasm”, but that she simply allows herself to experience orgasmic sexual fulfilment in the presence of a man with whom she feels safe and confident.)

This is not really a point I want to debate very much here; suffice it to say that in our opinion a woman’s capacity for multiple orgasms, squirting orgasms, and gushing orgasms, is much more likely to be manifested in a relationship with a man which is based on trust and respect and intimacy.

And you know, oddly enough, this is not much different for men either: while there is a widespread belief that men can have sex with any woman they fancy, and that somehow in doing so they prove themselves to be a stud.

Yet the reality of the matter is different: I know many men who boast of their sexual conquests, but at the same time look really miserable – and later they admit the fact that unfettered sex, enjoyed without love and affection, has actually just made them feel unhappy and used, rather like women say that impersonal sex does to them!

Now what does all this mean in practical terms? One of the things that it undoubtedly means is that to avoid sexual difficulties – in the case of a man this might include the inability to get an erection, and in the case of a woman it might include inability to reach orgasm – the partners who are investing intimate sexual relationships in each other need to have a connection that goes beyond the physical lust and attraction of being horny – of high sexual desire.

how to fall in love

Love and sex – better together!

And it’s also paradoxical, but men who have premature ejaculation often report to me that this is worst in the relationships where they are having casual sex with a partner they don’t really know.

In my judgment, this is undoubtedly because casual sex can induce a high level of anxiety, and premature ejaculation is promoted by anxiety (or indeed anger or other intense emotions).

So. Could it be that all along, the people who propagated the view that sex within a loving relationship was the only form of sex worth having were the ones who were correct?!

Without going into a Christian point of view where sex before marriage is a sin, the truth is that sex within an established and secure relationship can be a much more safe and trusting experience for the partners.

When we have sex, we expose ourselves at a very deep and basic level to our partners, and when we don’t trust them fully or know them intimately, there is always a part of us which is holding back from full connection and exposure to avoid emotional wounding.

With a partner you know and trust and love, with a partner to whom you’ve made love many times, and who knows your frailties, weaknesses and susceptibilities, and who trusts you not to abuse or wound them, the safety created can be considerable: certainly enough to open up oneself into a sexual situation.

The inner child within us can enjoy sex to the full, but only when he or she feels safe: the inner children within us tend to avoid coming out and showing themselves where there is a danger of being humiliated, abused, or being put into any situation which looks even vaguely like the ones by which they were wounded during childhood.

So I think one of the things I can take away from this reflection with confidence is the suggestion that lasting longer during sex, or knowing how to make a woman come, or being able to give a woman great orgasms, or even being able to go to the most intimate level of mutually supportive intimacy (working on female ejaculation, for example, also called squirting orgasms) is not just about technique.

Nor is it just about having a relationship with a man or a woman – it’s much more about having a deep and profound relationship where trust and mutual understanding are based on long-term intimacy and happiness within the relationship.

There’s no getting away from the fact that human condition is that of great sensitivity: we are all incredibly sensitive, we are all incredibly sensitive around what we do and say to each other, and we are all incredibly sensitive to the wounds that we can inflict on each other – even unintentionally or without intention.

To avoid any of these problems, and the resulting sexual problems that flow from them, why not consider waiting for sex until you’re in a relationship you deeply know, love and trust?

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How to Love a Man

You can find out how you can love a man easily and simply by reading all sorts of advice on the Internet – but is this advice any good?

Not usually, no. So you’ll be glad to know that we too have joined in the fun by writing our own discerning blog on how it’s possible to develop love, in other words, to put it bluntly, how you can make a man love you.

Now of course the thing is this – you might find that when you’re in love, your feelings are not reciprocated, and that’s always a risk – but on the other hand, it’s also a fact that you can induce loving feelings by behaving in a certain way towards another individual. In this case the man of your dreams!

Of course high on the list here is kindness, appreciation, mutual satisfaction and pleasure, spending time together, finding that you have similar views and interests about the important things in life… and so on.

We all know these things, but the issue isn’t really about these.

Here were talking about whether or not it’s possible to make somebody love you by behaving in a certain way towards them.

There have been many books and publications over the years – thinking of something like The Rules here –  which have been designed to help women make men fall in love with them, and they all seem to be based on the principle that a woman has manipulative skills and abilities which will make a man fall in love with her if she wants to set her mind to that end!

However basing a relationship on deceit and dishonesty is likely to lead to unhappiness and disaster in the long term.

It might better to be honest and open, to say exactly what you want, to go out and get it using simple relationship skills and techniques which are going to give you love, connection, and in the end will probably be much more useful in building an open and honest relationship than deceitful manipulation and feminine “wiles”.

How To Make A Man Love You

So what are the arts of building a relationship?

First,  you need to do is establish open and honest communication – to talk honestly and openly to somebody you need to open your heart to them, and it’s not something we tend to do very much in our society.

We’ve all been too wounded by miscommunication and deliberate attacks from others.

Next you need to develop trust, and to do that you need to know somebody intimately, so the first thing to do is spend time together and get to know the man you want to make fall in love with you. Find out here how to do that. This basically means you have to find some way of spending time together, and one of the best ways of doing this is to find a shared interest where you can invite him to join you. That way you get to see him and have him spend time with you.

Over a period of time you’re going to build up a friendship which is going to help you establish trust and make you feel much closer and more connected.

make love with the man you want to love you

Find the man of your dreams

dreamstime_xs_44539290

And at this point you can begin to open up your heart and show your feelings. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you tell him you love him straight away, although there will undoubtedly be a point where that’s necessary – what it might mean is that you simply start by saying how you’re feeling about certain aspects of your life.

By sharing a deeply heartfelt connection, it is possible to make a man fall in love with you, simply because he recognises the honesty and truth in what you’re saying commonly recognises that it’s coming from a vulnerable and heart open space.

Don’t underestimate the power of communication in establishing a relationship.

Relationships are based on trust and intimacy. Intimacy comes from the open-hearted communication I’ve just been talking about.

So if you manage to establish trust and intimacy, then you’re a long way towards establishing a good relationship which is going to keep you in a man’s thoughts.

Next, of course, you have to move from intimacy and trust to love.

And there is the fascinating question of what love actually is, and why we feel it towards another human being. One of the interesting things about this, of course, is that love is based on projection –  seeing in others those parts of ourselves that we don’t wish to admit.

Read about projection here, because you will find it absolutely fascinating. As someone once said to me, if you find yourself hugely, powerfully attracted to another person, then you really need to run in the opposite direction, because the connection is probably an unhealthy one.

So if you’re not projecting or experiencing transference, then you’re likely to find somebody who’s quite similar to you in attitude and outlook.

Although there is an old saying that “opposites attract”, we now know that the truth is quite the opposite. It is being similar that makes us fall in love with someone because we see in them parts of ourselves that we can identify with.

When you have found somebody you like, somebody that you trust, someone to build intimacy with, the next stage in moving towards love is to experience deeper closeness and connection.

This is really again a matter of opening your heart spending time together. Of course there will be a point where the relationship wants to move into the sexual phase, and it’s here that things can become difficult.

how to fall in love

Find out how to fall in love

For a woman, sexuality is a tender and delicate aspect of her being, while for a man it is often just a means to physical release. This is not to say that men don’t value sex when they’re in a loving relationship, because they do, and in fact the truth is that men often find they can open their hearts through sexual connection.

That old cliché about women wanting to have sex because they’re in love, and men finding love because they’re having sex is absolutely true.

So how you can make your sexual relationship, when it develops, into a satisfying and happy thing? Not something stressful and difficult?

The answer to that is that you need to learn some techniques for pleasing a man, and your man equally needs to learn techniques for pleasuring you.

make love with the man you want to love you

Find the man of your dreams

These are areas of incredible importance, and it’s necessary that he knows how you can be pleasured, in other words how you can have an orgasm.

Equally, it’s important that you know how to pleasure a man… and more than anything, you need to develop a reciprocal relationship where both of you are experiencing great sex , obtaining sexual pleasure, and getting mutual satisfaction by enjoying good orgasms when you are being sexually intimate.

All this said, and personal individual needs taken account of, your relationship should last a long time and provide you with the greatest pleasure that it’s possible for a human being to experience – I wish you well!

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Manifestation and Law Of Attraction

One of the most fascinating things to come out of the world of esoteric studies in recent years has been the revelations around manifestation.

What manifestation means is:

The ability to get what you want with the power of your mind

Most women would find this much more attractive, yes?

How attractive would most women find this?

Now, you may find it extraordinary that we should propose the idea that it’s possible to affect physical reality in the world with the power of your mind.

Yet throughout history, there’s been a certain category of individual who has known about the power of the mind to influence the physical form in which creation comes into being.

In other words, our proposition is that by sending out energetic thoughts to the universe — and I say “energetic” advisedly, because it is the energy of the thought process which motivates manifestation — it is possible for us to influence what we get, either spiritually or materially, in the world around us.

This may seem like a radical proposition, in a world based on rational thought and scientific proof or dogma, but the truth of the matter is that if you read material as far back as Napoleon Hill, you’re going to find that manifestation and the Law Of Attraction – and the laws governing this – have been in the consciousness of the human race for many generations.

law of attraction

The essence of the law of attraction is cretaivity

Indeed, those who are experts at manifestation would no doubt hold to the view that if you were not taking advantage of what seems to be an innate human ability, then you are depriving yourself of opportunity to improve the quality of your life.

To that end, therefore, let’s examine how manifestation could play role in improving the quality of your life — just as it can improve the quality of anyone else’s.

To start with, if you’re in a relationship, you’re probably experiencing the usual conflicts and disagreements which relationships generate. This is inevitable, because we all bring to a relationship, whether sexual or any other kind of relationship, a quality of energy which depends on our own emotional history and — to put it another way — the emotional wounds we experienced during childhood.

So this means that whenever any of our emotional wounds are triggered, for they hold potency, unless they are healed, for the rest of our lives, we will respond to a partner or friend or family member, or indeed our employees or bosses, or anyone else, in the way that we could not respond as a child. This is the emotional energy which is repressed yet still seeks an outlet. You may well imagine that this is usually highly emotional, often highly inappropriate to the situation we find ourselves in as an adult!

So,  the interesting thing to me is that one of the techniques used for healing emotional wounds — what people tend to call “emotional baggage” — is very similar to the technique used for manifesting reality around us in the world today…. interesting, eh?

This is the technique of visualization, of selecting an objective, and then “programming” the mind to achieve it, to manifest it, to bring it into being,  by  actively focusing your energy on a vivid picture of the desired objective every day. Creative visualization, that’s what it’s called.

Change your life by getting creative!

Change your life by getting creative!

You see, the point of this is that the subconscious mind is unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy — so that an image which is presented to it with sufficient energy and vividness, will always appear to the subconscious mind to be a reality that is being fed into it by the senses of the individual concerned.

What this means is that because the subconscious takes the evidence of the senses as being the true interpretation of the way the world functions, if you do the visualization exercises of manifestation sufficiently clearly and strongly, and you also incorporate emotional energy, what you’re visualizing is guaranteed to manifest as a reality in your life!

This means that if you’re looking to create a better sex life, or indeed just a better relationship in general, with more harmony with your partner, then using the Law of Attraction processes and exercises generally spoken of in the context of manifestation is going to make a significant difference to the quality of your spiritual and emotional life with your partner.

What this means in turn is that anything else intangible that you would like to change, including the quality of your relationship — for example, the level of joy and pleasure that you get from sexual intercourse, or the joy and pleasure that you get from communicating with your partner — can be easily changed by your use of these mental techniques.

This allows you to improve the quality of your sex life, improve the quality of your relationships, and improve the quality of your life in general beyond anything that you could previously have imagined to be possible.

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Manifestation and the art of sexual relationship

For men and women who want to improve the quality of their relationships there are certain specific and obvious techniques that they can try.

The first of those is to use different sex positions to the ones which they have been accustomed to normally use.

If you’re interested in using new sex positions, here are some suggestions about videos that you might find helpful.

Best Sexual Positions by Jeremy Brown

Best Sexual Positions

Best sex positions for a small penis – Jeremy Brown

Best sex positions for men with a small penis

Jenny Smith

Best sex positions

Jenny Smith

Most exciting sex positions

John Smith

Loving sex positions – 1o best sex positions

Crazy sex positions!

Now really hope that those videos help to improve the quality of your sex life, but as we all know there’s more about the practical aspects of making love that need to be learned with another person and there are to be learned from watching the video.

So all I can suggest is that if you’re looking to vote ways to improve your sex life use some techniques to improve your confidence and your performance in bed.

To start with, you might consider using some of the techniques which are classically been described as “manifestation” techniques – that is to say, as you may well already be well aware, the techniques which purport to give you an advantage in creating your reality by leveraging the power of the universe in your favour.

There’s no doubt that by applying mind focusing techniques – essentially visualization and goal setting – and if using them with a certain level of emotional energy, you can much more easily bring about a desired outcome than you can if you are not actively “programming” your subconscious mind to bring it into your life for you.

This can be particularly true in areas such as sexual improvement in sexual performance, were so many of the fundamental issues that cause people embarrassment, anxiety, and happiness or doubt are in fact based on emotional issues that can be cured using the same goalsetting and visualization techniques that are involved in manifestation.

Now, that said, you may not actually know very much about manifestation the truth the matter is that it’s not an esoteric procedure at all, it’s actually really commonplace, and essentially depends on the power of the human mind to bring about certain outcomes in the physical world.

The first step is always to form an objective of what it is you’re trying to achieve – it stands to reason really, doesn’t it? You can’t find out how to get to an objective, unless you actually know where you’re going. Think of programming a satnav, for example; if you didn’t know the code of your destination, there’d be absolutely no point just setting off on your journey. Yet when you’ve programmed in the code for your destination, you don’t actually need to know every step between where you are now and where you’re going.

Instead, you can follow the instructions that you’re given by the satnav in the knowledge that it will get you to your destination. It’s the same with goalsetting, believe it or not, in that you think of your objective, you define where you want to get to in other words, and then, having programmed that destination code into your satnav –  or in the case of goalsetting, into your subconscious mind –  you can leave it your subconscious mind to find  the route between where you are now and where you want to go.

So clearly it can helpful to have an instruction book to use satnav, just as it’s going to be helpful to have an instruction book to program your subconscious mind. For although it’s your mind, new had it all your life, the truth is you probably not using it very efficiently, most likely you’re only using a tiny proportion of its capacity.

So click here if you’d like to know how to program your mind like a satnav so that it gets you to your goals quickly and easily. And click here if you’d like to know more about the power of manifestation and understand what the Law of Attraction is all about.

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Get fit and get more sexually attractive!

What men fail to understand is there is a close relationship — at least in women’s eyes — between how fit they are, how muscular, and how attractive they are to women sexually.

Now this may be painful for a lot of men to hear, because few men actually take the trouble to make sure that they are fit, that their body is in good condition, and they are eating a diet which precludes the laying down a fatty tissue.

Even so, if you ask women in a situation where the answers are confidential, they will confirm that the appearance of their partner is just as important to them in terms of sexual attraction as the appearance of a woman is to a man.

So with this in mind, I’d like to recommend the Adonis diet program, based on the Golden Ratio, which is a modern day bodybuilding, fitness and exercise program produced by John Barban and Kyle Leon, two men who have a long history in the Bodybuilding and fitness industry.

Having reviewed the Adonis Golden ratio in great detail, I can confirm that it is an ethical program which will help men of any body shape or size to develop a level of fitness they have never experienced before.

attractive, sexually desirable man

I am sure you can see why most women would find this more attractive than the other image below.

Now it may seem a large claim to make — that is to say, linking male muscularity and fitness to sexual attractiveness to women — but there’s plenty of evidence (such as this) that male body shape and fitness do play into a woman’s assessment of her partner’s general desirability.

Perhaps more importantly, it also plays into the assessment of the level of respect that she has for him — because, when all is said and done, maintaining a fit and healthy body, and eating a decent diet is a sign of self-care and self-respect.

You perhaps would not expect a woman to respect a man very much if he did not respect himself in such a fundamental area as health and well-being.

But that is another very practical reason for men to consider taking an exercise program like the Adonis Golden Ratio. And this is the fact that it can increase and improve a man’s sexual performance, by making him fitter and making him more muscular.

Is this attractive or not?

How (un)attractive would most women find this?

To start with, the fact that he is fit to means that he will be able to sustain vigorous sexual intercourse for longer if that is what both he and his partner desire.

Secondly, the fact that he has taken the trouble to develop his muscularity means that he will not become exhausted when making love in positions such as the traditional missionary or man on top position.

Video – man on top sex position</h2>

And in addition, that is very likely to be a spinoff which is quite unexpected — that is to say, by developing muscular strength in all areas of his body, a man is very likely to develop a greater ability to withhold his ejaculation full longer.

When you analyze what women say about sex, it turns out that their biggest complaint — perhaps unsurprisingly — about sexual intercourse with their partners is that it does not go on for long enough, or that they do not reach orgasm during it.

So it’s clearly important for men to make sure they all fit and healthy and is capable of sustaining long-lasting sex as possible. Notwithstanding that, I know that the tendency for many men as to avoid fitness dieting because it’s much easier to slump in front of the television after a hard day’s work than it is to go to the gym.

But for me, this misses the point. Good sex is the foundation of all good relationships, and ensuring that you and your partner are making love on a regular basis will also ensure that you feel intimate, happy and connected when you are living together in the day to day routine of relationship.

 

 

 

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Men Can Control Premature Ejaculation!

Do you really want to overcome premature ejaculation?

If you do, then the first step is one that you can take without a partner. It’s actually about controlling your ejaculation when you’re on your own, using masturbation and self stimulation, perhaps employing pornography to become aroused.

As I mentioned before, however, the danger of using pornography is that it can be very tempting, when you’re highly aroused, to simply continue to masturbate to the point of ejaculation, without exercising the control that is necessary to learn a different kind of sexual responsibility. The problem with porn lies in the fact that it is so intensely arousing: far more arousing, in fact, than anything that you will meet in real life relationship.

Nonetheless if you’re clear about using this as a means of becoming aroused then the protocol you should try and follow goes like this: when you’re on your own, and you’re relaxed, and you have no likely demands on you in the next hour or so, and you can be assured of privacy, stripped naked, and with your chosen method of stimulation, start masturbating using a high-quality lubricant.

One of the best lubricants for this process is high-quality massage oil: grape seed oil is fine, so is olive oil although in fact this tends to stain clothing or towels with which it comes into contact, and you need to be careful to ensure protection of furniture and clothing. Even so, I would recommend olive oil — most of my male clients find this very satisfactory for this exercise.

Masturbate to the point of orgasm without ejaculating 4 times, only allowing yourself sexual release on the 5th. Repeat as often as possible and extend the period of masturbation for as long as possible. You will gradually become more aware of how aroused you are, more comfortable with your body, and more able to control your ejaculation.

What Causes Premature Ejaculation?

Many of the men who experience premature ejaculation are highly anxious. Anxiety may be the product of an inherent oversensitivity of the nervous system, about which you can read more here.

However, in my experience whilst this may be one factor in controlling the level of anxiety that a person experiences, it’s also true that anxiety comes from a childhood where one’s upbringing was suboptimal: and by suboptimal, what I mean is the child was not given enough encouragement or reassurance or support, or he was actively encouraged to be fearful of the world, or he took on the fears that his parents had around life, existence, or interaction with other people.

It’s also possible of course, that he was made to feel anxious about physical intimacy with another person by experiencing some level of sexual abuse, or physical abuse, or an unpredictable environment in which loving and hating, anger and pleasure, physical violence and physical reassurance, went alternately and unpredictably hand-in-hand.

So you’re beginning to see, I hope, that the origins of premature ejaculation can lie deep in the psyche, and when a man is out of touch with his body in the way that I’ve described, it is hardly surprising that he is going to have some difficulty aligning his current experience as an adult with the upbringing that he has had, one that perhaps left him with a degree of disconnection from his body. You can read more about delayed ejaculation here: that too, is a consequence of abusive child rearing and fear of intimacy.

Video: Premature Ejaculation

I want to emphasize that childhood experience seems important in the origins of PE. And abuse comes in many forms. For example, abuse in the form of constant denigration or putdowns, or even small slights that are repeated dozens or hundreds of times a week, can also severely impact on a child’s ability to trust his own feelings and his own sensations.

In particular, some parents will contradict a child when he reports his experience, a behavior which, repeated often enough, will unquestionably lead to the child shutting down emotionally and physically, not relying on his own sensations, and no longer trusting what he feels in his body.

So the first thing to do for any man who is experiencing premature ejaculation is good quality bodywork. This can come in many forms: massage from a good female bodyworker, from a Tantric sex therapist who knows what she’s doing, sensate focus exercises with a sexual partner, or indeed, any kind of intimate work that involves physical touch.

The point of this, in my opinion, is to overcome the inhibitions the man senses around physical experience with another individual, and to reassure him that physical touch is safe.

In my work, it’s true to say that I have come across many men who were unable to alter their response — that is to say their fear response — to physical intimacy by using one of these methods: for them, it was necessary to do the exercises with a loving sexual partner, and here we see another problem: many men with premature ejaculation are actually too frightened to get into a relationship because they have been humiliated by a previous sexual partner when they ejaculated too quickly, so there can be a dilemma for men who are seeking to cure this sexual dysfunction.

The dilemma is one of exposing themselves to the possibility of fear and anxiety that intimacy requires on the one hand, while on the other requiring both the love and affection of a partner – something we all need, as we do the sexual release that comes through intercourse. If you’re seeking a way to control premature ejaculation, have a look at this program.

Can you imagine then, how a man in this situation may decide to resolve these difficulties by using pornography for self stimulation during masturbation, and how much this might compound the difficulties that he faces of interacting with a real live sexual partner?

I fear that there is no simple answer to this problem except the one that I referred to earlier, and that is having a clear intention to overcome premature ejaculation.

We know that all kinds of human endeavors, no matter what they may be targeted towards — whether that be financial rewards, behavioral change, goal setting, or having a good sexual relationship with a partner including complete ejaculatory control — visualization and goalsetting are critical elements of the procedure.

But even before the goalsetting and visualization, there must be a clear intention, a clear decision, to actually achieve a particular objective. As I observed before, making this fundamental decision about what you’re trying to achieve can give you both the motivation and confidence and the clarity to move forward with a program of exercises that will help you to achieve your objective.

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