The Adonis golden ratio

You may be wondering what a fitness and exercise program (yes, that’s The Adonis Golden Ratio) has to do with lasting longer in bed.

manontop (39)But the truth of the matter is that nothing in the area of sexuality is divorced from the area of human fitness and physiology. Let me explain.

If a man is carrying excess weight, and in particular if he has a paunch, is likely to be out of condition, aerobically unfit, and unable to sustain exercise for long period of time. This includes the thrusting of sex as well as any other form of exercise.

There is a common belief that sex is a good form of aerobic exercise, and the truth of the matter is that whether it really genuinely increases fitness or not, you have to be fit to sustain a reasonable level of sexual activity for any length of time.

Is this attractive or not?

How attractive would most women find this?

Now, when a man is carrying a paunch, he can’t do this but there is a more subtle problem as well. He is likely to have high levels of fat, and possibly saturated fat, in his bloodstream, and this is very likely to be occluding his arteries, including very small arteries that supply blood to the penis.

As you may or may not realise, erectile dysfunction is a product of high cholesterol levels — not always, but certainly some of the time, in some men, the loss of erection is due to dietary factors as well as physiological metabolic factors.

So you have a double whammy here: Poor circulation which helps to generate erectile dysfunction, fatty compounds in the bloodstream, which certainly may cause erectile dysfunction, and a lack of fitness, which means that the aerobic activity necessary for satisfying, uninhibited, and energetic sex is not possible.

There’s another factor too, which is more subtle and depends on the exact relationship between two members of a couple — and that is how attractive the man is when he has a flat belly, poor musculature, and is overweight.

Most women would find this much more attractive, yes?

Most women find this much more attractive, I think!

Naturally, as we all know, there tends to be an equation going on in a relationship that if one person is slightly fat than the other tends to be as well, and if one person is a fitness fanatic than the other tends to keep up high levels of exercise and fitness to.

But what does this mean in practice? It means effectively that a man who is in a relationship with a woman and who is taking no care of his physiology or the shape of his body, who does not exercise regularly, and basically demonstrates no care for his own well-being, is going to be seen by the woman as considerably less attractive than a man who is in shape.

So this is a warning really to all you men out there!

If you’re not in peak condition, or even in reasonable condition, then you need to find an exercise and dietary program designed specifically for men, and more particularly for your individual physiology. That way, you can get back into shape rapidly, you can enjoy sex to the full, and you can demonstrate your partner that you actually care about what she thinks.

Now, this is no joking matter: There is plenty of research to demonstrate that women find a man who has attractive body conforming to the Adonis index ratio considerably more attractive than a man who is out of condition with a potbelly or paunch.

And what is the Adonis index ratio? I hear you say! Well, it’s a classical relationship between different parts of the same object, whereby a certain proportion of one-dimension to another is held to be the most physically appealing and aesthetically satisfying ratio of those different parts.

As far as the male body is concerned, this actually means the ratio of shoulder circumference to waist circumference, and torso length to the length of the overall body.

One of the objections that I commonly hear raised to the principle of working out and losing weight so that one’s body conforms more nearly to these proportions is that “surely we are all built differently?”

Well, yes we are, but the interesting thing is that once you find men engaging in the exercises prescribed in the Adonis golden ratio, you find their bodies – underneath the flabby tissue and the lack of musculature – conform much more closely to the Adonis golden ratio than you might ever imagine!

It’s almost magical to see how man’s body shape conforms when he engages in the principal and process of the Adonis index exercise program. Apart from the fact that it is a rapid way to lose weight – offering the possibility to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks – it’s also a way of becoming highly desirable, much fitter, becoming more attractive to women, and – I sincerely hope – being able to sustain sex on much longer in bed.

With so many advantages, why would you not try it?

 

 

 

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How To Take A Woman To Orgasm

The best advice ever if you want to know how to make a woman come….. click here to find out.

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The coital alignment technique

I’ve been asked many times during my work as a sex educator how it’s possible for the woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

While the answer is that it usually isn’t possible, because we do know that only a small percentage of women actually achieve orgasm during intercourse — the figure generally quoted being around 15%.

This is woeful, but it’s hardly a testimony to men sexual skill either, and the true nature of mankind is that there’s a real temptation on the part of every man urge to enter his partner, thrust, and give way to the power of ejaculation and orgasm. You might actually almost say that it’s a natural male behaviour during sexual activity.

Now of course whether it is or it isn’t is hardly satisfactory for a female partner who wants to reach orgasm during lovemaking. I know that the standard advice is the men to pay more attention to foreplay, and it’s certainly true that it’s a good route to orgasm for a woman: a man can either pay attention to her genitals with bingo play all by oral pleasuring, but often women feel a desire for close connection with their man during sex itself.

Now there are many good sex positions, and I’m thinking particularly of man on top, which allow close connection during lovemaking, but there are not many which are likely to produce orgasm for the woman because of the man’s thrusting. In general, is necessary for the man to stimulate her clitoris as well.

However, the coital alignment technique may be a revolution in lovemaking, because it’s generally recognised to be a way of achieving orgasm the woman that does not require the man’s to stimulate her clitoris.

So how does the coital alignment technique work? Well, the man enters the woman as you normally would during missionary position sex, the missionary position being the starting point for all variations of the coital alignment technique. What is entered, he shifts his body upwards, forcing his erection into a more perpendicular orientation, and instead of thrusting forwards and backwards, the couple adopt a rocking motion.

This rocking motion centres on the movement of their pelvises, and it should be time so that is the man rises, the woman comes to meet him, and as he falls the woman drops below him. It’s hard to explain and it is to do, strangely enough, but the coital alignment technique basically allows the pubic bone the man to impact on the clitoral area of the woman repeatedly during lovemaking.

Is this stimulation which generally produces an orgasm for the woman due to the rhythmic stimulation of her clitoris in a way that mirrors the stimulation that could be applied by manual masturbation. So if you’re going to try the coital alignment technique, it’s wise to have a set of decent instructions, and you can find the information here.

coital alignment technique

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Pleasing a woman sexually is an art, not a science

I really mean that, because a lot of men have appealed to me for help in making a woman sexually satisfied. The first thing that always occurs to me when they ask this is: Why you trying to take over responsibility for woman’s orgasm, which is perfectly capable of giving herself one?W

But I think there’s something deeply fundamental about the male desire to give a woman an orgasm, because it occurs again and again in all kinds of sexual literature, in all kinds of places — both academic and popular, and certainly on advice sites on the Internet. Indeed, I have to confess at this point that I’ve actually written one such site myself called how to make a woman come, and I think it does indeed contain some excellent information about giving a woman an orgasm. Click here to find out more.

Even so, it’s important to understand that sexual pleasure during intercourse is mostly the man’s, for although the woman may gain pleasure from the act of intercourse itself, she very rarely reaches orgasm through sexual intercourse and thrusting alone. This means that female orgasm is generally product of clitoral stimulation, which are techniques that you can learn from the website on the link above.

However the point about this is that most men cannot last very long in bed, they ejaculate prematurely, in other words. What I also know about most men’s premature ejaculation problem is that they seem very reluctant to get to grips with it and solve it, preferring the pleasure of orgasm and the displeasure and dissatisfaction of their partner, to any serious effort to overcome premature ejaculation.

So in this dynamic, the best way for a man to effectively last longer in bed is not necessarily for him to take a training in premature ejaculation control, but perhaps for him to take some training in how to please a woman sexually.

And of course aligned to this is the need for men to understand women emotionally, because men and women are very different in this respect. Fortunately, if you are a man who wants to know more about how women think, so that you can give your partner greater emotional and sexual pleasure within your relationship, then one of the things that you need to do is look on the Internet for a program that is designed to provide reliable and trustworthy information about the psychology of women.

Equally, if you’re a woman who wants to understand men better, then what you need to do is look on the Internet are reliable and trustworthy source of information about the psychology of men with in relationships. To that end, I strongly recommend program called capture his heart and make him love you forever by Michael Fiore. I’ve written a review of this site, and I found it excellent, full of practical advice and tips and information about dating for women, which can be transferred across into a full-time, long-term relationship.

Women definitely need help in understanding how men think, feel and act within a relationship, and Mike Fiore’s program Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever is one of the best pieces of information I have seen.  You can click here to find out more about it and get the facts on male psychology on the Internet.

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Capture his heart and make him love you forever review

One of the great things about the Internet is the fact that it makes dating advice and information easy to obtain. I think this is actually really important for a great deal of people, who might be embarrassed or ashamed about admitting their lack of experience in this area, and we would certainly never go to a relationship counsellor for advice.

Rather than sitting around at home, feeling embarrassed, lonely and shy, people can go online, look at a few websites, and pick up helpful tips and information about how to date, how to approach the opposite sex, what the opposite sex might expect in a relationship, and all kinds of other useful information and advice that is bound to make it easier to form and maintain a relationship.

Now I know that some people object to the idea that you can learn about relationships from reading websites, but the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of people who need help and information on dating advice dating tips and dating techniques that they would not otherwise be able to get and must they actually looked at this kind of information online.

So, you could tell our a supporter of relationship and dating websites, because I think — no, I know — they provide a hugely useful service to all kinds of people, and I’ve actually know personally a great many people who manage to find relationships through searching online for potential partners. If you take this a stage further back, their website can also be an extremely useful way of informing people about how to meet members of the opposite sex.

Capture his heart and make him love you forever is one of the foremost programs in this area for women. Capture his heart and make him love you forever is actually about how a woman can approach a man, his interest, make him fall in love with her, and then go on to build a relationship that is worthwhile and going to last for a long time… maybe a lifetime. My own Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever review can be found here, and I think you’ll find it interesting: it’s not an unbiased recommendation of the product, it’s simply a description of what’s in it. This will allow you to make your own mind whether or not you think that it contains useful dating tips for women.

 

 

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Delayed Ejaculation Is No Joke

An important concept that confuses many men and their sexual partners when it comes to delayed ejaculation is that although orgasm and ejaculation are generally thought to be exactly the same thing, these are, in fact, separate events. The explosive sensation of orgasm is a mental event, which takes place purely as a chemical and synaptic interaction in your mind, although it is also accompanied by pleasurable sensations throughout the body.

Conversely, ejaculation is a purely physical reaction which is triggered by repetitive pleasurable physical contact to the penis and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. Much research is still needed to find where orgasmic pleasure happens inside the brain, but much is known about the synaptic pathways by which the reflex response of ejaculation is precipitated.

There are competing viewpoints but one theory is that when erotic pleasure gets to a certain point, the emission of ejaculatory fluids near the end of the the urethra increases the pressure at the base of the erect organ, and this consequently results in a whole set of physical responses including flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.

The involuntary nervous system is at full play as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is confined to the voluntary nervous system.

As it is, medical professional have long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and the names commonly used to describe this bodily phenomenon most likely mirrors in a very real sense, the scientific community’s evolving understanding of this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

From my perspective, I’m convinced that these changing names illustrate a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men whose sex lives are somehow impaired by their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.

Interestingly enough, many of these men are able to climax regularly from masturbation. Given this quaint data, scientists suggest that there might be some relationship issues associated with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex. However, one must exercise a healthy dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation that lies in the relationship between a couple.

There’s ample reason to conclude that the failure to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that there’s nothing in these activities that approximate the heightened degree of stimulation that a man may be accustomed to apply to his own organ in the act of masturbating and imagining sex.

Certainly, anyone can get physically accustomed to response to higher levels of stimulation, so it’s always wise to establish whether or not the problem in ejaculating is simply because of the fact that the man by himself, can perform harsh, firm, or high-frequency stroking during self pleasuring, in a fashion that is not simulated in the course of actual sex with a partner.

If the problem is, in fact, caused by a simple mismatch in techniques, the remedy will be in the form of reconditioning the body, the sex organ and the mind, to react to a slightly altered style of pleasuring that can ultimately bring about a climax during sexual activity.

Needless to say, counsellors and sex therapists tend to adopt the position that the dynamics between the partners is the real cause of the problem.

As a matter of fact, there’s sufficient basis for this school of thought. I have come across many couples in which a gradually rising level of hostility has diminished intimacy to such a degree that the male no longer enjoys sex, and secretly dislikes the routine, while at the same time, being powerless to reach out to his spouse or partner and start a rational conversation to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution to these problems.

Moreover, even without resentment, anger, or any other negative feelings on the part of the man towards his partner, there is, as some studies show, a particular kind of individual who is often a natural sufferer of delayed ejaculation.

Based on the latest research journals, this personality type appears to be a person who is in some way strangely unaware of his personal preferences to induce sexual pleasure, who is often unable to accept just how aroused he is while doing sexual activity, who often considers sex with his partner as a duty that he needs to perform, who considers his partner’s pleasure during sexual intercourse as his own responsibility, and who believes that her pleasure must be considered before his own and is the priority during sex. These men generally, whether expressed or not, see themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, grinding on (sometimes to no avail) to bring the sexual intercourse to a satisfying conclusion.

It is likewise noticeable that many of the partners of males with this condition tend to be disinterested when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that it’s the man who is responsible for their sexual gratification. The truth is, they should be of course responsible for their personal pleasure. In such cases, it’s clearly valuable to be able to provide tips to a couple and give them some actionable sexual information. This way, their ideas and beliefs about sex and sexual pleasure can be brought closer to reality.

Furthermore, it has been observed that males who fall into this subservient sexual profile tend to have a lack of solid grasp of their own gradations of pleasure. In a very real sense, there appears to be a degree of disconnect, or a blank space, in their sexual maturity, in such a way that they have rendered dependent their internal process of sexual arousal with the outside process of having sexual intercourse with a partner.

What I mean by this is that their own erotic world somehow doesn’t function as a source of sexual stimulus and pleasure: they are left in a sort of sexual limbo where they are trying to engage in sexual intercourse without all the emotional and physiological tools that are important for it to be an enjoyable and intimate activity.

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Overcome Premature Ejaculation

As I’ve observed many times in the past, there are many aspects to premature ejaculation, some of which are more obvious than others.

For example, one thing I do know very much about men who are naive in terms of sexual relationships is that the sheer excitement of seeing a naked woman in bed can get them so aroused they ejaculate very quickly indeed. You might think that overcoming this was more about gaining sexual experience than anything else, and of course in part you would be right.

However there is another aspect to this, which was brought home to me by talking to a man who spent several years in a state of isolation, satisfying his sexual urges by solo pleasuring, and never daring to speak to a woman, at least not in the context of seducing her into a sexual relationship.

He told me that he finally managed to overcome his inhibitions and fears by doing two things: first of all he’d actually looked at a great deal of sexual material on the Internet, so that he’d learned the basic mechanics of the sex act in all its forms. He then actually practiced this using a sex toy, pretending that he was actually making love to a girlfriend.

The thing he’d done was to become very familiar indeed with the female anatomy, and in particular the layout of the female genitals, by looking at educational websites on the Internet. He told me that it was only by doing these two things that he’d actually managed to overcome his fear of not “knowing what to do when he was with a girl”, and as a result he managed to approach a woman and become friendly enough with her for them to strike up a sexual relationship.

What it said to me at the time, and in retrospect I can see this very clearly indeed, was that his enthusiasm and passion for being in a relationship was sufficient to overcome his fear, and gave him the confidence that he needed to strike out in a way that many men never actually feel able to do.

Of course if you want anything badly enough in this world, including a sexual relationship, you can usually get it, but this was a very striking example of a man taking matters into his own hands, and finding a way in which he could use various unusual techniques to increase his confidence around sexuality and the idea of intercourse.

So my recommendation to you if you happen to be in a similar position is to adopt a similar approach: instead of looking material purely as a way to obtain sexual relief through masturbation, but it is an educational resource, and find out how men and women actually have sex. Study pictures of lovemaking from every angle, so that when the day comes when you’re actually in a sexual situation with a woman for real, you have a clear sense of what you can actually do with her ! If you need to gain familiarity with basic feminine anatomy, you can study plenty of clit pics here.

And also study some techniques which will allow you to satisfy a woman, since you’re not likely to be able to make love for very long first time you try it, and you’re more likely to experience premature ejaculation, watch films that will show you how to engage in oral pleasure with a woman so that you can give her an orgasm and make her feel that she’s had an enjoyable time in bed with you.

If you feel that you will ejaculate very quickly when you get into bed with a woman, in other words if you feel that you’re going to experience premature ejaculation, then I strongly suggest you read Ejaculation by Command by Lloyd Lester, which is one of the best programs available for educating men in how to last longer in bed

Nobody is expecting you to be a sexual expert the first time you make love to a woman: and on this point, it’s probably more important to be honest and open with her than to pretend that you have sexual experience when you don’t. If you like a woman and she likes you, then nothing should be off limits, including talking about your lack of sexual experience.

However it’s true that there might be some requirement here for an element of judgement, and I think that you need to temper your approach to complete openness and honesty and relationship by ensuring that you’re not going to be humiliated or shamed in any way because you haven’t gained more sexual experience before going to bed with a particular woman.

My final piece of advice is to look at websites on sexual techniques, which will allow you to establish a fair degree of confidence and adaptability, so that you actually able to pleasure a woman satisfactorily. Even if your own sexual technique when making love is lacking, you can always take a woman to orgasm during foreplay, using either mutual masturbation, solo masturbation, oral stimulation.

If you learn the techniques that are involved in these strategies, then you’re much more likely to be successful in bed, and gain her approbation and ensure that the relationship continues for long enough for you to be able to gain a great deal more sexual confidence. That way you can be a man who actually is on an upward track in terms of gaining sexual experience and establishing greater and greater confidence with women.

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The Power Of The Mind To Overcome Premature Ejaculation

You may be surprised at how simple mental training is, provided you’re willing to let go of mystical notions and misunderstandings you may have picked up in the media. It is easy to understand and easy to use. Especially to overcome problems like premature ejaculation. Intention is half the battle!

In a nutshell, mental training is simply a way of reprogramming the mind to achieve more positive behaviors, feelings, and results. Although Western culture, especially American culture, is action-oriented and suspicious of “just sitting,” “just thinking,” and “just daydreaming,” we are quickly learning that the mind’s activity is paramount. How the mind receives, perceives, and interprets information determines what you think, how you feel, and what you do. We are beginning to understand that the mind can contribute to physical illness such as high blood pressure, heart disease, ulcers, asthma, yeast infection and colitis. The program Yeast Infection No More shows you how mind power can be used to overcome yeast infections and other physical ailments. You can see a yeast infection no more review here. We are also beginning to understand that with different programming, the mind can heal such maladies.

In recent years, our most rigorous scientists, physicists, have come to the defense of the imagination. More and more we hear of the use of fantasy and imaging in scientific discovery. The scientist we most revere, Albert Einstein, never conducted an experiment and was rarely inside a laboratory; he just sat and used his mind. He said that his imagination — he pictured himself riding on a beam of light — provided the key to his discovery of the theory of relativity. No wonder Einstein maintained that “imagination is more important than knowledge.”

The essence of mental training is a state called trance, a natural human capacity consisting primarily of a state of focused attention in which we are more receptive than usual to suggestion. This state often comes about spontaneously, where it is used for ends both positive and negative. Practice with the methods will give you control over the state, so that you can enter it at will to achieve goals you desire.

Have you ever been so involved in a movie, a book, a piece of music, a sports event, or a work project that you lost sight of your surroundings (for example, you didn’t notice that the person you were with left to buy popcorn or go to the bathroom) and didn’t notice the passage of time and were surprised to find that hours had passed? Have you ever gotten so caught up in a daydream — of falling in love, winning the Nobel Prize, or doing some great deed — that you had to spend a few seconds reorienting yourself in time and space after you were interrupted? To overcome premature ejaculation you need to be in a similar state of mind.

If you’ve had any of these experiences, you have been in the focused state of attention that is a large part of mental training. These naturally occurring trances are common human experiences, by no means confined to situations where a person is meditating or involved with a hypnotist. Most of the things we call fun can lead to trance. It’s easy to become deeply involved in anything that feels good, because of the involvement, it’s just as easy to lose track of time and other matters.

You may be deeply concerned about finances or health, but you forget about these things to the extent that you get engrossed in dance, games, a good movie, or something else you thoroughly enjoy.

Sex is one of the most common examples of everyday trance. When sex is good, the partners are strongly focused — on their own sensations or on what’s happening tee their mate — to the point that time is not noticed, noises are not heard, and even pain is not perceived or is less strongly perceived. A common example of the influence of trance in sex is when afterwards one partner tells the other about how much noise he or she has made and that partner is totally unaware of this. Another example is afterwards when you become aware of the pain of a bite or scratch. The pain would have been obvious to you when it was first created were you not so focused on your pleasure.

The antithesis of good sex is a lack of involvement, as, for instance, when one or both of the partners are not focused on what’s happening but are standing back, watching, analyzing, and criticizing. That’s how you can most easily overcome premature ejaculation – by not watching yourself so eagerly, trying to see where you are succeeding or failing. Not judging yourself.

A lack of involvement almost invariably leads to bad sex and sex therapists busily try to get clients more involved, more focused on sensation and feeling. All they are really trying to do is institute the sharpened focus we are calling trance. Orgasm is probably the ultimate trance. During the few seconds of orgasm, your attention is narrowed to a rather limited part of your being and it is almost impossible to think or be aware of other things.

The physical sensations are so strong as to command your total involvement and attention. All other considerations are momentarily forced aside. And this, we think, is one of the main reasons that orgasm is so pleasurable.

Everyday trances are spontaneous happenings over which we generally exert little control. With a little help, however, we can use these events to great advantage.

Ironically, there is one kind of common experience that is often used systematically and with devastating results — negative self-suggestion or negative self-hypnosis. The mind is never quiet, as those who have meditated know too well. It is always talking to itself, sending messages and images about all sorts of things. What hasn’t been clearly recognized until recently is that a lot of what the mind says is negative: “You’re too stupid to do well in this work,” “You’ll never be able to finish this task by the deadline,” “You don’t deserve anyone like him,” “You’ll never be happy.”

Negative self-suggestion is an automatic process in which people repeatedly tell themselves in words and images about their shortcomings and failures. People with low self-esteem, which includes most people suffering from depression, send almost continuous messages to themselves that they are stupid, inadequate, and incompetent, that everything will turn out badly, and that they deserve nothing better. Negative self-suggestion works. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy, bringing about in reality the inadequacy, worthlessness, and so forth that is imagined and suggested. It is this fear and expectancy which makes premature ejaculation self-perpetuating.

Take a depressed woman, for example, who continually tells herself that nothing will turn out well. On her way to a party, she tells herself over and over that there won’t be anyone there worth meeting, that the whole event will be a bore, and that even if interesting people are present, they won’t be interested in her. She enters the party with a cloud of gloom over her and makes real what was in her imagination. People tend not to want to meet her because she appears to be so negative, which, in fact, she is. She
tries not to notice the interesting conversations going on and if she does notice that a certain man is attractive, she won’t approach him (because she “knows” he wouldn’t want to talk to her.

She sends out such negative messages that he’s unlikely to approach her. So her despair is confirmed. She meets no one, does nothing, leaves early because the party is so boring. and tells herself on the way home, “life really is boring and depressing, not really worth living.” Of course, the same process happens with men who come too quickly – they expect it to happen – and so the cycle of premature ejaculation goes on and on.

Many people, including a lot who believe that mental training doesn’t work, are already masters at it, using their imaginations in negative ways and doing an incredibly effective job of making themselves miserable. Their unintentional use of informal, negative self-suggestion training follows the rules of effective mental training: it is done frequently and with great detail and involvement. They often are deeply engrossed, entranced, in their fantasized failures, inadequacies, and humiliations. And they usually have no idea of what this regular practice with negative thoughts and images is doing to them.

In the therapeutic use of mental training, whether with a therapist or on one’s own, the point is to use one’s imagination in more constructive ways. You have to have the right suggestion to control premature ejaculation. This might be more subtle than just saying you will last longer in bed!

There are two main ingredients in effective mental raining: a relaxed, receptive state and positive suggestions. Start with positive sexual suggestions. The therapist or coach makes suggestions to the client to do or feel or be something different. When you do the process yourself, you make the suggestions to yourself. The suggestions can be about anything. Here are some examples: “Each time you practice mental training you will be more deeply and more fully relaxed, as relaxed and comfortable as you like.” Or, for sexual issues, “every time you go to bed with your partner you will feel more and more confidence and enjoy greater and greater control over your ejaculation.”

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Just Get Over It Guys! Your Woman Hates Premature Ejaculation!

What Causes Premature Ejaculation?

I want to emphasize this point that abuse can come in many forms. We all know that child sexual abuse and physical abuse can have long-lasting and very deleterious consequences for anybody who experiences it.

But what is less well known, I think, is that abuse in the form of constant denigration or putdowns, or even small slights that are repeated dozens or hundreds of times a week, can also severely impact on a child’s ability to trust his own feelings and his own sensations.

In particular, some parents will contradict a child when he reports his experience, a behavior which, repeated often enough, will unquestionably lead to the child shutting down emotionally and physically, not relying on his own sensations, and no longer trusting what he feels in his body.

It’s also very clear that many of the men who experience premature ejaculation are highly anxious. Anxiety may be the product of an inherent oversensitivity of the nervous system, about which you can read more here.

However, in my experience whilst this may be one factor in controlling the level of anxiety that a person experiences, it’s also true that anxiety comes from a childhood where one’s upbringing was suboptimal: and by suboptimal, what I mean is the child was not given enough encouragement or reassurance or support, or he was actively encouraged to be fearful of the world, or he took on the fears that his parents had around life, existence, or interaction with other people.

It’s also possible of course, that he was made to feel anxious about physical intimacy with another person by experiencing some level of sexual abuse, or physical abuse, or an unpredictable environment in which loving and hating, anger and pleasure, physical violence and physical reassurance, went alternately and unpredictably hand-in-hand.

So you’re beginning to see, I hope, that the origins of premature ejaculation can lie deep in the psyche, and when a man is out of touch with his body in the way that I’ve described, it is hardly surprising that he is going to have some difficulty aligning his current experience as an adult with the upbringing that he has had, one that perhaps left him with a degree of disconnection from his body. You can read more about delayed ejaculation here: that too, is a consequence of abusive child rearing and fear of intimacy.

So the first thing to do for any man who is experiencing premature ejaculation is good quality bodywork. This can come in many forms: massage from a good female bodyworker, Tantric sex therapy from a Tantric sex therapist who knows what she’s doing, sensate focus exercises with a sexual partner, or indeed, any kind of intimate work that involves physical touch.

The point of this, in my opinion, is to overcome the inhibitions the man senses around physical experience with another individual, and to reassure him that physical touch is safe.

In my work, it’s true to say that I have come across many men who were unable to alter their response — that is to say their fear response — to physical intimacy by using one of these methods: for them, it was necessary to do the exercises with a loving sexual partner, and here we see another problem: many men with premature ejaculation are actually too frightened to get into a relationship because they have been humiliated by a previous sexual partner when they ejaculated too quickly, so there can be a dilemma for men who are seeking to cure this sexual dysfunction.

The dilemma is one of exposing themselves to the possibility of fear and anxiety that intimacy requires on the one hand, while on the other requiring both the love and affection of a partner – something we all need, as we do the sexual release that comes through intercourse. If you’re seeking a way to control premature ejaculation, have a look at this program.

Can you imagine then, how a man in this situation may decide to resolve these difficulties by using pornography for self stimulation during masturbation, and how much this might compound the difficulties that he faces of interacting with a real live sexual partner?

I fear that there is no simple answer to this problem except the one that I referred to earlier, and that is having a clear intention to overcome premature ejaculation.

We know that all kinds of human endeavors, no matter what they may be targeted towards — whether that be financial rewards, behavioral change, goal setting, or having a good sexual relationship with a partner including complete ejaculatory control — visualization and goalsetting are critical elements of the procedure.

But even before the goalsetting and visualization, there must be a clear intention, a clear decision, to actually achieve a particular objective. As I observed before, making this fundamental decision about what you’re trying to achieve can give you both the motivation and confidence and the clarity to move forward with a program of exercises that will help you to achieve your objective.

So the question is: do you really want to overcome premature ejaculation?

If you do, then the first step is one that you can take without a partner. It’s actually about controlling your ejaculation when you’re on your own, using masturbation and self stimulation, perhaps employing pornography to become aroused.

As I mentioned before, however, the danger of using pornography is that it can be very tempting, when you’re highly aroused, to simply continue to masturbate to the point of ejaculation, without exercising the control that is necessary to learn a different kind of sexual responsibility. Training in emotional freedom techniques may help you here.

The problem with porn lies in the fact that it is so intensely arousing: far more arousing, in fact, than anything that you will meet in real life relationship.

Nonetheless if you’re clear about using this as a means of becoming aroused then the protocol you should try and follow goes like this: when you’re on your own, and you’re relaxed, and you have no likely demands on you in the next hour or so, and you can be assured of privacy, stripped naked, and with your chosen method of stimulation, start masturbating using a high-quality lubricant.

One of the best lubricants for this process is high-quality massage oil: grape seed oil is fine, so is olive oil although in fact this tends to stain clothing or towels with which it comes into contact, and you need to be careful to ensure protection of furniture and clothing. Even so, I would recommend olive oil — most of my male clients find this very satisfactory for this exercise.

Masturbate to the point of orgasm without ejaculating 4 times, only allowing yourself sexual release on the 5th. Repeat as often as possible and extend the period of masturbation for as long as possible. You will gradually become more aware of how aroused you are, more comfortable with your body, and more able to control your ejaculation.

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Want To Know How To Last Longer In Bed? Read This!

What other factors may affect how long a man lasts in bed?

Possible biochemical factors affecting premature ejaculation include testosterone, the male hormone which is thought to play a role in men’s ejaculatory reflex. Higher free testosterone levels occur in men with premature ejaculation. Another factor which may influence how along a man can last during sex are the biochemical parameters of the prostate and epididymis, because research in a Chinese andrology journal seemed to show that semen from men who lacked the ability to last longer during sex contained significantly less acid phosphatase and alpha-glucosidase than semen from other men.

And many men with premature ejaculation have low serum levels of prolactin; although in one study, men in the lowest quartile of serum prolactin levels also had some linked metabolic syndrome, together with erectile dysfunction, and higher than average levels of anxiety.  So while prolactin may contribute to premature ejaculation, the presence of anxiety in many men with PE suggests that biochemical factors play only a minor (if any) role in the genesis of premature ejaculation.

While other factors may affect how to last longer during sex, we do know that psychological factors greatly influence premature ejaculation.

Men with premature ejaculation have much lower intravaginal ejaculatory latency time or IELT (obviously) – it just means they cannot last very long in bed - but a shorter IELT is not the only measure of premature ejaculation. In fact, perception of ejaculation control changes both partners’ sexual satisfaction or distress, regardless of how long a man can last during sex.

So while premature ejaculation is perhaps not entirely a psychological issue, such factors do indicate a massive psychological role. Men who wish to learn how to last longer during sex need to accept that the work starts with their minds….

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